White ribbon-like goop that shoots from a dude’s pony bologna when he blows his load.
Also referred to as: super jizz, funky spunk, baby batter, splooge, baby gravy, jerk sauce, salty surprise, penis pudding, nut butter, pecker snot, red eye surprise, tittie dressing, etc…
Call it what you want. All I know is I need it. All of it. A fully loaded turkey baster or a bucket chock full, it doesn’t matter. I need the love liquid, and Roman Blake is just the dude for the job.
When I realized that the woman ditched in front of my house was in fact Gia Avery, it was literally a blast from the past kinda moment. But it was when I found out why she was here that made me nearly lose my shit.
This is the crazy, out-of-bounds, totally insane, whacked out to the core, piss your pants, make-your-mama-scream, funny as hell story about Gia and Roman and what it means to take sperm donation to a whole other level.
Author’s Disclaimer: This book is stupid. No, seriously. It’s stupid, and I think I may have even lost a few brain cells in the process of writing it. It’s downright moronic. You have to be a special kind of person to appreciate this level of dumb. This book is absolutely not intended for the uptight, unhappy, snooty, humor-lacking folks out there. If you do not have the sense of humor like a pack of teenage boys or if you’re missing your funny bone, you should seriously look elsewhere for a more intelligent kind of read because this hot mess is not for you. But if you’re anything like me and find shit funny just for the sake of finding shit funny then you are my spirit animal.
Read Over 1 Million Times Online Worldwide as Sperm Donor Wanted by OzellaMarie.
This story has been re-worked, scrubbed, polished and douched and has been turned into an original fiction for your reading enjoyment!
S.L. Romines aka OzellaMarie
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Beautiful Ink: An Ink Beauty Novel by S.L. Romines
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“Welcome to Beautiful Ink. One of these bitches will be right with you.”
When Harlow Gentry re-opened the doors to Beautiful Ink with her six best friends she never would have thought that it would sustain as the hottest tattoo shop in town. Keeping up with the long list of clients, while trying to keep a shop full of needle-wielding, crazy women in check, makes for some serious late night therapy sessions with a bottle whiskey and a big bag of chocolate.
And as if Harlow’s plate wasn’t full enough, her life is thrown for a loop when a sexy inked up blast from her past stumbles back into her life.
Slade Harrison, Vice President of Lucky Sinners MC, knows a thing or two about women. He likes em’ quiet, submissive, and easy to please. But when Harlow Gentry shows back up in his life his world is tilted on its axis. She’s like none of the women he’s ever had moan beneath him. Her fiery, independent attitude and sharp tongue was what had him intrigued all those years ago, and there’s nothing that is going to stop him from getting her back.
Who will break first?
All bets are on at Beautiful Ink…
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✯`*•. Beautiful Ink Playlist and Excerpt .•*´✯
by S.L. Romines
Copyright 2015-2016 S.L. Romines
My heart stops.
My breath catches.
My heart breaks all over again.
My gaze is locked on the ghost of a man that left me shattered and broken in the middle in the street five years ago. His eyes meet mine and I instantly go numb.
It can’t be him.
Anger, rage, and fury course through my veins as I look into those familiar steely eyes.
It is him.
As I open my mouth to say something, anything, the pipes rev even louder and I watch as Slade leans back a fraction and begins to remove his helmet. The shop doors behind me chime, and I’m being slapped with a dose of déjà vu when the sound of boots and heels click-clack across the sidewalk. I don’t have to turn around to know that my girls are right behind me.
Without thinking about my next actions, my feet move on their own accord, and before I realize what I’m doing my hand flies across Slade’s beautiful face with a resounding, loud crack against his cheek. Shock plays across his features and in that moment I stand a little straighter, keeping my feet firmly planted to on ground.
“Get out.” My breathing is labored as shallow breathes claw their way between my lips. Nothing and I mean nothing could have prepared me for the shit storm that is Slade Harrison. “Get the fuck out of here and go back to whatever hell you came from because you are not welcome here. Ever.”
As I take a deep breath and turn to walk away, a firm grip latches around my wrist and I am pulled flush up against hard muscle. The intoxicating scent of worn leather slithers its way up my nose, making my traitorous body react like a whore as my nipples harden and my knees weaken.
“Miss me, Low?”
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Yas, dawlings! Like blown the feck up! And I cannot begin to tell you how utterly mortified and sick I am to hear of the blatant disrespect and lack of consideration to those in the writing community.
Let's take a look-see at some key points, shall we?
Case in Point #1
Since when did it become a "thing" to coordinate an author signing event and then cancel it and then run the f*ck away with EVERYONE'S money? Um, for a newbie that has never been an attending author at a signing event this kind of sh!t worries the hell out of me. I mean, c'mon. Where in the writer's proverbial handbook does it state that YOU have the right to take the money that WE work very hard for with the intention of coordinating a book signing only to stuff the cash between your butt cheeks and hightail it to the nail salon or your local taco shop? As far as I'm concerned that makes you a very sh!tty person. And the icing on the cake is that no one can get a hold of you.
And your a published author on top of that?
Oh, good grief!
I hope that at some point you find some self-respect and respect for those you took from and try your best to fix this sh!t-storm you've created because at this point the only thing you probably have to look forward to is nothing short of bunch of bad karma.
But hey! At least you can say that you made it on the news. So how was that fifteen minutes of fame?
Case in Point #2
Case in Point #3
Dear, Princess Piece of Sh!t,
If you come across this post you will without any doubt know that this is about you. Enjoy!
Let me first start by saying that this one really hit home for me. And it f*ucking pissed me off!
When I was approached with this nasty little piece of bullsh!t I literally flipped my sh!t. I instantly wanted to find the b!tch that would even think it was okay to f*ck with one of mine and gouge her eyes out with a rusty fork. No it's wasn't one of my children she came but it this person that she verbally assaulted I consider family, and if there's one thing you do not do is f*ck with my family.
Let me just give you a little insight on the problem at hand...
A couple months ago someone very close to me, a blogger, had held an event and a giveaway through her blog. She had decided to giveaway an eBook that the winner could choose from a list of authors that had attended this particular event. Princess Piece of Sh!t was chosen as the winner and was contacted by the blogger. Princess Piece of Sh!t was then informed of the details pertaining to her prize and was asked to choose an eBook by one of the attending authors and that the blogger would pay for the eBook and send it to her. At that point everything seemed to be moving along quite nicely until Princess Piece of Sh!t decided that she wanted to choose an eBook that was not written by one of the event's attending authors. No. She decided to make her own rules.
From that point on, the whole interaction between blogger and winner went South.
Now, the blogger could've caved and given the winner what she wanted, but that would've went against the rules of the giveaway. And speaking from experience, once you alter the rules sh!t is bound to go to hell in a hand basket in a quick hurry.
So the blogger and winner went rounds about this prize. The blogger explained the rules of the giveaway once more to Princess Piece of Sh!t, letting her know that she could choose ANY eBook from the list of attending authors and it would be sent right over. Hell, if it was me I would've picked a book and been happy that I'd won. Do you think Princess Piece of Sh!t did this? Um, no. Instead, she decided to send my blogger friend a nasty little message that quite literally sent me through the roof.
"You've been blocked you disrespectful entitled generation Y piece of trash
Say what you want I can't see you or read your post
Fucking useless asd job you have"
S.L. Romines lives in a small town in Central California, and if you blink you just might miss it. She resides on a ranch with her family which she lovingly refers to as the funny farm. Between getting dish pan hands, listening to three bickering teenagers, pretending that she’s a gourmet chef (her family would like to disagree), and trying to tune out the sound of twenty-seven deranged Guinea fowl, somehow she finds the time to write about crazy characters that even make her laugh till she cries.
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